Since the last issue
On the twenty-fifth of October 1854, at Balaclava, a cavalry general got an order so vague he had to ask which guns it meant, and the captain carrying it flung his arm down the valley at the wrong ones. Nearly seven hundred light cavalry rode in anyway, into cannon on both hillsides and a battery at the far end, and the lord who led them rode back out, went aboard the private yacht he lived on in the harbor, and had a bath and a champagne dinner. Anish would lose to those guns if nobody loaded them.
Anish is projected for 155.8 against Peter's 189.6, and like the brigade he goes in light and early, with Matthew Golden and MarShawn Lloyd riding into the guns tonight. Peter, at 77%, has Brock Purdy on the left hillside and Jaxon Smith-Njigba on the right, and Anish, at 23%, is about to take it from both sides. The brigade was following an order from a man who waved at the wrong guns. Anish is following Anish. Clown.
Week 3: the slate
Patrick Mahomes and Joe Burrow make Brandon a 68% favorite at 183.1, and he thanked them by naming his team after Tucker Kraft, which is like naming the yacht after the dinghy. Justin is a 32% underdog on a team called Shough and Fhough, which is the sound a man makes when he reads those odds, and he is starting Blake Corum at 8.1 in case they were too high.
The Mayeflower is a 61% favorite, and its weakest starter is Deebo Samuel at 11.3, which is competent enough that the league should find out who set Carlos's lineup for him. Alex starts Christian McCaffrey and Bijan Robinson and is still a 39% underdog, which takes work, and the work is named Marvin Harrison at 6.9.
Keenan Allen is starting for Matthew, and Matthew's 142.6 is how Navid gets to be a 62% favorite at 154.7, a projection that would lose to Anish and still beat Ethan. Fraud.
Devante named his team after himself and then after himself again, spelled wrong, and is a 67% favorite anyway because he drew Ethan, who wrote every rule in this league, could not rig his way above 33% and has worse odds than fucking Matthew. ETHAN IS STARTING ALVIN KAMARA AND BRYCE YOUNG ON PURPOSE.