Week 5, Thursday night
In 53 BC Crassus, the richest man in Rome, marched his legions into the desert at Carrhae because he wanted a war of his own and nobody alive could tell him no. The Parthians met him with horse archers and a camel train carrying spare arrows, so the Romans locked shields and waited for the arrows to run out, and they never did. Alex did the same thing with CeeDee Lamb, and he is the dumber of the two. He spent pick 2.08 on Lamb, stood there like a legionary under the camel train waiting for the points to start, and got 2.9 against a projection of 20.67. Crassus at least had a guide who walked him into the desert on purpose, and Alex had nobody but himself, the same himself who started Rashee Rice for 0 in week 4.
Banked
Bucky Irving, a man Anish found at 6.06, put up 31.5 and dragged him to 45.7 banked, the first correct thing Anish has done since he started Kenyon Sadiq for 0 in week 4. George Pickens gave Carlos 28, and Carlos will need it, because he is the man who left 72.3 on his bench in week 4 and has all weekend to do it again.
Devante owned Emeka Egbuka, Jalon Daniels, Chris Godwin and Jake Ferguson in this game, benched every one of them, and banked 0 while Egbuka went off for 17.2 and absolutely fucked the man who benched him. DEVANTE BENCHED HIS ENTIRE THURSDAY AND BANKED NOTHING. Justin did the same thing on a smaller budget: Ryan Flournoy, pick 25.07, scored 12 on his bench, and Justin is the genius who started Ladd McConkey for 0 in week 4. Peter left Tez Johnson's 7.4 on his bench too, which fits a man who paid $31 for Case Keenum while nobody else bid. Bystanders.
Matthew got 16.64 from Dak Prescott against a projection of 25.08, and that is still his best lineup decision since he started Rachaad White, who did not play. Alex banked 2.9 while Anish banked 45.7 against him, and Lamb was the only thing Alex brought. Navid's whole night was Baker Mayfield's 0 and Sean Tucker's 1.8, both on his bench, and it was the closest he came to mattering. Ethan, the commissioner, sent Ted Hurst, pick 16.10, who scored 0 from the bench while Carlos banked 40.8 against him, so the man who wrote the rules of this league got beaten on a night he did not play. Ornamental.