Devante Benched Tyler Huntley's 28.04 and Got Gutted by 3.46
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Week 5
In 272 BC Pyrrhus of Epirus, the king whose victories over Rome cost him so much of his own army that winning twice more would have finished him, pushed his men into the narrow streets of Argos in the dark. The column jammed between the houses, an elephant went down in the gateway and sealed it, and an old woman watching from her roof dropped a tile onto the back of his neck. He was off his horse and dead before anybody in the street knew which man they had killed. Devante threw the tile himself.
Devante scored 115.88, the lowest total in the league, and went 0-9 on all-play, meaning no lineup anywhere in week 5 would have lost to his. Tyler Huntley, a 29.06 pick, sat on his bench with 28.04 while Geno Smith started and handed back 11.98. That swap was worth 16.06, and Devante lost to Matthew by 3.46. He left 60.62 on the bench and his optimal lineup was 176.5. Pyrrhus at least had night, a blocked gate and a stranger above him he never saw; Devante had a full week, a lineup screen and his own hand on the roof tile. His playoff odds fell from 48.4% to 10.9%.
Loser of the Week
Let A Naysayer Know (Devante): 115.88 points, lost to Matthew.
Crown him again. Devante turned in 115.88 with 60.62 on the bench and the best score on his entire roster came from a quarterback he refused to start. He went 0-9 on all-play, which takes real work when nine other men are also submitting lineups, and he has worn this crown before this season. He keeps coming back for the fitting.
Pat Freiermuth put up 24 on Navid's bench while Colston Loveland, his 4.02 pick, handed him 4.9 at tight end, and Navid won anyway. He left 46.1 points behind in a victory and will present this as control. Josh Allen scored 33.5 and did all the steering; Navid was a passenger with a drink in his hand.
Justin named his team Shough and Fhough and then started Tyler Shough for 1.84, which is the rare case of a man advertising his own weakness on the hull. He also started Ladd McConkey, who was inactive, for nothing at all, a 5.07 pick occupying a lineup slot like furniture. Coward.
Shough and Fhough: 150.98, projected 146.82, 49.66 left on the bench
Navid: 166.30, projected 161.36, 46.10 left on the bench
The Mayeflower 203.68, Love on the Spectrum 186.84
Drake Maye, the 1.01, dumped 47.46 on the league, and Carlos answered by starting T.J. Hockenson in the FLEX for 2.2 while DeMario Douglas scored 22.5 on his bench. He went 8-1 on all-play and still left 39.6 lying around. Two straight for The Mayeflower, won with roughly the attention a man gives a parking meter.
186.84, the 4th-best score of the week, and the commissioner lost by 16.84. Ethan started Jeremiyah Love, his own 3.01 pick, and collected 2.2, which on a team called Love on the Spectrum is at least honest advertising. Christian Watson's 32.3 went straight into the fire and Germie Bernard's 14.4 watched from the bench. Ethan is 2L with his luck at -1.1, and the man who wrote the rules cannot write himself into the win column.
Love on the Spectrum: 186.84, projected 160.15, 15.90 left on the bench
The Mayeflower: 203.68, projected 161.99, 39.60 left on the bench
Kraft YAC & Cheese 209.50, Njigba’s in Paris 192.60
The highest score of the week was 209.5, and Brandon beat all nine other rosters on the same afternoon, which is the only week he has looked like a contender instead of a man who bid $0 on Efton Chism and lost him to $29. Puka Nacua went for 37.7 and covered everything, including Romeo Doubs sitting in the FLEX for 2.6 while Jacory Croskey-Merritt scored 14.2 on the bench. He got away with it. Investigate him in November.
Peter put up 192.6, the third best score of the week, and lost, which the records call robbed and the rest of us call a Tuesday. Isaiah Likely, a 9.04 pick, gave him 37.9 at tight end and Jaylen Waddle, a 7.04 pick, gave him 4.8, so the cheap man carried the expensive one. First place and still shopping like a tourist.
Njigba’s in Paris: 192.60, projected 174.88, 21.30 left on the bench, robbed (top-3 score, lost)
Kraft YAC & Cheese: 209.50, projected 187.38, 21.82 left on the bench
Anish 141.46, Alex 130.98
Anish won with 141.46, the seventh best score of the week, and went 3-6 against the field in the process, meaning six teams beat him and the schedule did not care. Bucky Irving's 31.5 did the work while Malik Willis scored 22.88 on the bench and Bo Nix, a 5.05 pick, gave him 9.92 at quarterback. Freeloading on a continental scale.
Alex started Kyle Monangai in the FLEX, a man who did not play, and lost by 10.48 with Greg Dulcich's 11.7 on the bench, so one swap turns this whole thing around. CeeDee Lamb, taken at 2.08, produced 2.9, and Jacoby Brissett, taken at 19.08, produced 32.28, which tells you exactly how much Alex's draft opinions are worth. He has dropped from second to fourth in a week. Dumbass.
Anish: 141.46, projected 161.89, 46.16 left on the bench
Alex: 130.98, projected 160.78, 26.70 left on the bench
The swap that flips it: Greg Dulcich (11.70) for Kyle Monangai (0.00) at FLEX
Matthew 119.34, Let A Naysayer Know 115.88
Matthew won with 119.34, the 9th-best score of the week, and went 1-8 on all-play collecting it. He benched Jayden Daniels and his 32.26 to start Dak Prescott for 16.64, then put Brian Thomas in a receiver slot to play and score 0. Aaron Rodgers, a 21.01 pick, led him with 28. Fraud.
Davante Adams gave Devante 22.1 and Chase Brown, a 4.05 pick, gave him 7. He lost by 3.46 with 60.62 on his bench to the emptiest roster in the league. The tile came off his own roof.
Let A Naysayer Know: 115.88, projected 154.45, 60.62 left on the bench
Matthew: 119.34, projected 131.60, 29.62 left on the bench, fraud (bottom-3 score, won)
The swap that flips it: Tyler Huntley (28.04) for Geno Smith (11.98) at QB
Points left on the bench
Points left on the bench
Team
Manager
Scored
Best possible
Left on bench
Let A Naysayer Know
Devante
115.88
176.5
60.62
Shough and Fhough
Justin
150.98
200.64
49.66
Anish
Anish
141.46
187.62
46.16
Navid
Navid
166.3
212.4
46.1
The Mayeflower
Carlos
203.68
243.28
39.6
Matthew
Matthew
119.34
148.96
29.62
Alex
Alex
130.98
157.68
26.7
Kraft YAC & Cheese
Brandon
209.5
231.32
21.82
Njigba’s in Paris
Peter
192.6
213.9
21.3
Love on the Spectrum
Ethan
186.84
202.74
15.9
Zero-point starters
Shough and Fhough (Justin): Ladd McConkey, WR, did not play
Matthew: Brian Thomas, WR, played, scored 0
Alex: Kyle Monangai, FLEX, did not play
Standings
Standings
Rank
Team
Manager
Record
Points for
Streak
1
Njigba’s in Paris
Peter
2-1
613.4
1L
2
Kraft YAC & Cheese
Brandon
2-1
580.24
2W
3
The Mayeflower
Carlos
2-1
565.1
2W
4
Alex
Alex
2-1
502.44
1L
5
Navid
Navid
2-1
452.78
1W
6
Love on the Spectrum
Ethan
1-2
546.7
2L
7
Shough and Fhough
Justin
1-2
450.68
2L
8
Anish
Anish
1-2
440.36
1W
9
Let A Naysayer Know
Devante
1-2
384.28
1L
10
Matthew
Matthew
1-2
364.62
1W
Power rankings
Score is 40% all-play win rate, 30% points per game and 30% projected starting-lineup points, each rescaled so the best team in the league is 100 and the worst is 0.
Power rankings
Rank
Team
Manager
Score
All-play
Luck
1
Njigba’s in Paris
Peter
100
25-2
-0.8
2
Kraft YAC & Cheese
Brandon
83
21-6
-0.3
3
The Mayeflower
Carlos
75.8
18-9
0
4
Love on the Spectrum
Ethan
63.4
19-8
-1.1
5
Alex
Alex
55.1
15-12
0.3
6
Navid
Navid
37.6
10-17
0.9
7
Shough and Fhough
Justin
34.9
11-16
-0.2
8
Anish
Anish
29.8
8-19
0.1
9
Let A Naysayer Know
Devante
20.9
5-22
0.4
10
Matthew
Matthew
0
3-24
0.7
Season odds
Peter is at 100 percent to make the playoffs and 54.6 percent to win the whole thing, and he will still find a quarterback to overpay for by Wednesday. Matthew is 88.1 percent to own next year's first pick and 83.5 percent to finish last, which is the simulator declining to pretend. Navid climbed from 25.9 percent to 68.7 percent on a win he left 46.1 points out of, and Justin fell to 24.6 percent, which is what a team named after Tyler Shough deserves.
Season odds
Team
Manager
Playoffs %
Bye %
Title %
Last %
Njigba’s in Paris
Peter
100
91.2
54.6
0
Kraft YAC & Cheese
Brandon
99.8
57.1
22.1
0
The Mayeflower
Carlos
99.7
44.4
18.3
0
Alex
Alex
91.2
5
2.6
0.1
Love on the Spectrum
Ethan
82.5
1.2
1.7
0.1
Navid
Navid
68.7
1
0.5
0.3
Shough and Fhough
Justin
24.6
0.1
0.1
4.2
Anish
Anish
22.3
0.1
0.1
3.7
Let A Naysayer Know
Devante
10.9
0
0.1
8.1
Matthew
Matthew
0.3
0
0
83.5
From 10,000 simulated seasons.
Next week
Devante sets another lineup next week and leaves another quarterback in the cargo hold. The Darien survivors at least got to sail home; he has to live on this roster until December.