Ethan: Love on the Spectrum

Ethan scored 187.28 in week 3 and still buried 51.3 points on the bench, a man winning by accident and losing by design.

Ethan bid $0 on Tanner McKee in week 6 and got outbid by Brandon's $20, which is the going rate for cowardice.

Brock Bowers went 2 spots early at 2.01, so Ethan took a tight end ahead of Puka Nacua, who Brandon collected at 2.03 for nothing.

Nico Collins slid 4 spots to Ethan at 4.10, and nine other men will spend this season explaining why they let that happen.

Luther Burden at 6.10 was the third receiver in a row and Ethan's third receiver overall, a man who drafts by peeking at the pick in front of him.

Christian Watson at 8.10 makes four receivers, the second wideout in a row, and Ethan passed on Baker Mayfield twice in two picks to build a collection nobody asked for.

Ethan spent 10.10 on Denzel Boston, his fifth receiver, passed on Daniel Jones, then took Daniel Jones at 11.01 anyway, a man negotiating with himself and losing.

Josh Jacobs sat 21 spots below where FantasyCalc ranks him until Ethan took him at 12.10, which is less a plan than a man tripping over luggage.

Ethan passed on Penix at 14.10 for Emmett Johnson, then took Penix at 15.01 himself: the only manager here who got to watch himself take the guy he wanted.

Nine spots early at 16.10 for Ted Hurst, age 22, Ethan's seventh receiver, because a man who cannot stop swiping eventually stops reading the names.

One pick earlier Ethan took Aaron Jones at 31 years old, a steal of 26 spots that still leaves him five running backs deep and zero quarterbacks.

Ethan followed his geriatric quarterback with Chig Okonkwo at 20.10, his second tight end, apparently building a roster for 2019.

Ethan stole Tua Tagovailoa 17 spots late at 22.10, somehow the sane pick after Jameis Winston a round earlier.

Ethan's 9th quarterback is Marcus Mariota at 32 years old, QB41 by FantasyCalc, proof he'd rather hoard arms than find Ollie Gordon still sitting there.

Ethan took Roman Wilson 10 spots early at 26.10, his 8th wideout, a man who needed one more flavor of disappointment.

One pick earlier Ethan already took Josh Cameron at 28.10, his tenth receiver, because apparently ten wasn't the number that scared him.

Ethan doubled right back down with Noah Fant, 21 spots early, a second straight tight end nobody needed twice.

Ethan actually stole Carson Wentz 124 spots early at pick 320, which only proves he can draft when Brady isn't in the room.

At 34.10, pick 340, Ethan drafted Tom Brady, unranked, which is less a selection than a seance.